November 15, 2008

Globama

The recent victory of President-elect Barack Obama has got everyone talking. 

So while Al-Qaeda has used this victory as an opportunity to invite the newest executive and his administration to embrace IslamEgypt Today oped writer Rania Al Malaky wrote that the Obama victory “though inspiring, was a bitter reminder of the stark difference between ‘us’ and ‘them’ ” in her recent piece, “Yes they can, but can we?”

Still others are simply left inspired. In what is now being called “the Obama effect” in France, minorities in Egypt are feeling a resurgence of identity. In “The Obama effect and why François becomes Mohammed”, French citizens of Arab and African descent are reportedly changing their first names to Muslim names in a movement about returning to their roots.

It is difficult to imagine, and exhaustive to detail, how Barack Obama’s victory has inspired citizens of the world… Though,  I have the feeling that in the coming years, many will tell how the unlikely candidate has given them the courage to challenge their political systems, confidence to assert minority identities and hope that our world isn’t totally shit- that there may after all (inshallah) be some good yet to come.

November 11, 2008

The international’s guide to Plan B

Ever wonder what to do if you’re gone on a wild safari trip in Kenya, you’re having great sex, and just as you both climax (yes, like in the movies), you realize the condom broke?

Well, the bad news is that most likely you won’t just have a couple of Plan B pills just laying around. The good news? Princeton University has the answer for no matter where in the world you are. 

The “Emergency Contraception Website” allows you to search by country and then proceeds to tell you which drugs/ combination of drugs are available that are equivalent to a Plan B pill.

It’s wise to play it safe. But if times get hard, it’s good to know you have options.

XO

November 11, 2008

IRAQ: 13 year old girl suicide bomber and “Baghdadophobia”

Two days ago, in Baquba, a 13 year old girl became the youngest Iraqi suicide bomber during a series of three bombs that have killed at least 31 people and have injured 70 more. She alone killed 6 of those 31 and wounded 18 others when she blew herself up at a check point backed with US security. 

The recent surge of violence in Iraq is evidence that although the insurgency has weakened, it has not yet been destroyed. It is further evidence of a term I recently became acquainted with during a BBC News Brief called Bagdadophobia, a term used to describe the daily fear of death in Baghdad. This, for example, includes the fear of sitting in a traffic jam and being tormented wondering if the car next to you will detonate… or waiting in line at a busy restaurant and wondering if the person next to you will harm you. Apparently, not even standing next to a child any longer is safe.

November 9, 2008

Daily bread

A friend and I had one of our catch-up dinners tonight at Le Caire in Zamalek. After our meal, we were sitting smoking shisha and he asked me if I’d heard about The Last Lecture.

So we began to think and talk about the lessons/ words of wisdom we would pass on to our (respective) children.

Here are some that came to my mind.

1. Take care of you. If you are doing something just because you think it’s the right thing- like staying in a marriage for the sake of kids, or working in human rights but you don’t enjoy it- then don’t do it. If you take care of you, you can make a positive difference in the lives of the people around you no matter what you do. 

2. Don’t be afraid of not doing everything. If you never realize your dream of travelling to all the corners of the world, or if it seems like you’ll never become all the things you ever wanted to, it’s okay. Be happy with what you’re doing when you’re doing it. 

3. Be a good friend. It’s as simple as that. Be the person your friends can trust and depend on. 

There are many more, but that’s the first three of the ten I came up with.

What about you?

November 8, 2008

Why did Sarah Palin cry during McCain’s concession speech?

Was it because…

(A She knew that she would now have to hand over the $150,000 worth of clothes to consignment shops?

(B) She was thinking too hard and still couldn’t remember the countries that make up NAFTA?

(C) Steven Schmidt, one of McCain’s closest advisors, just moments before, shot down her request to make her own concession speech?

It’s been a hard week for the “gosh darnit” Gov, but at least she still has a right to shoes. Christian Louboutin said before the Obama victory: ”I would rather give her a thousand pairs of shoes and she forgets about being vice-president.”

Hm! Maybe I should run as an inept vice presidential candidate! Then again, I actually know what the Bush doctrine is.

November 5, 2008

Sabah Obama!

Barack Obama is President Elect!

 

Barack Obama is President Elect!

 

I’m not the most patriotic American, as many of you who know me personally can testify. So it takes a lot for me to show emotion before morning coffee… and to play Ray Charles’ 1991 live recording of “America the Beautiful” in my Cairo office at 8:00am.

But Barack Obama’s victory. That is something to celebrate. I have never wanted to be in the US more than I wanted to be there today. What was most touching was his victory speech, seeing Americans so hungry for his words, so touched by this accomplishment and so excited for the future. 

Colleagues from all over the world came to me and personally congratulated me this morning in French, Russian, Arabic, Italian and English.

I know that there are hard times ahead and it will be impossible for Obama to meet all of our expectations. But I have full trust and hope in him, my president elect. And that is a confidence that I have never felt in an American president. 

In Egypt, to say “good morning,” usually we say “sabah al kheir,” but there are several variations like “sabah al eshta” (morning of cream), “sabah al gamaal” (morning of beauty), “sabah al asl” (morning of honey)… This morning, we were saying, “sabah Obama” (morning of Obama). 

A morning that will live in history. Sending all my love from Cairo to the US today. 

November 2, 2008

Why I shed cultural sensitivity for ham sandwiches and overnight visitors

I spend about two or three hours every morning reading Arab press from Syria to the Gulf. Bad coverage, outdated news and nonsensical opeds have become daily encounters.

But a few days ago, I read yet another conversion “niqab is freedom/ modesty is beautiful” oped, and frankly I’m sick of it. “Why  I shed bikini for niqab,” a true story of yet another American girl convert living in Saudi Arabia who has been “freed” by the niqab. And everyone “oohs” and “aahs” at how unique that is.

NEWSFLASH: Shedding bikini for niqab isn’t original or that interesting. It’s just a reason not to exercise any more and to order an extra milkshake with your value meal. 

So now I’d like to write a little piece called “Why I shed my cultural sensitivity for ham sandwiches and overnight visitors.”

When you first move to the Middle East, you want to be culturally sensitive and appropriate at all times, including behavior, dress, language… everything. Six months later, believe me, you’ll be whistling a different tune.

The funny thing is that everyday Muslims in Egypt - as much as they pretend like they are - aren’t so righteous themselves… as evidence of our bowab (doorman) who is forever singing the Qur’an but asks us for a beer every time he gets a chance… or how about the girls who have anal sex with their boyfriends at the movie theater on Talaat Harb St. just so they can bleed on their wedding night?… not to mention the growing phenomenon of hymen replacement surgeries…

So while it is very nice that Ms. Bokker has found liberation in the robes, I think it’s also important to respect finding liberation in the sheets. And that’s all I have to say about that.

October 30, 2008

Voting with the enemy

I finally dragged myself to the US Embassy to submit my emergency absentee ballot yesterday. It was the last day the US Embassy was sending them so there were plenty of eager American citizens. 

I had the pleasure of sitting next to a grandpa-looking Egyptian man who didn’t get the whole “fold, tear and vote” thing… and also didn’t speak English at all. So I prepared the papers for him, and he asks me (in Arabic), “Where is the list of the presidential candidates?”

“There is none. You just write the name of the presidential and vice-presidential candidates that you support on the ballot.”

He responded, “Oh! But I don’t know how to spell it. Can you just fill in my ballot for me?”

“No, sir, I can’t. I’m not even supposed to be looking at your ballot.”

“Well can you spell it for me?”

“Umm… (feeling a little bit uncomfortable, but then remembering that I live in Cairo where practically nothing is illegal) .. yeah, sure. Which name would you like me to spell for you?”

“John McCain.”

“Yeah, that’s… B-A-R-A-C-K….” :)

Haha, ok, all of it was true until the last part. Of course I spelt out that name and Ms. Folksy’s for him. I figured that he was voting in CA anyway.

October 28, 2008

Egyptian couple finds orgy partners on the internet

A 48 year old civil servant and his 37 year old wife were recently arrested for soliticiting other married couples to engage in “spouse-swapping parties.”

Through an Egyptian pornography website, the couple chatted with other Egyptian couples also interested in “wife-swapping.” The couple admitted to Egyptian authorities that they had been contacted by 44 interested couples but had only partied with three of them. The husband explained that most of the couples were rejected because the woman was not “sexy enough” or “not funny.”

When asked where the swaps were held, the husband assured the Egyptian authorities that it only took place in the other couple’s house if they agreed that the ”sexual encounter between the two couples all takes place in one room.”

He continued, “I get sexually excited when I see my wife sleeping with another man.”

The couple is now facing charges of facilitating prostitution and could face three year sentences in jail. But maybe they won’t even put up a fight in court. I’m sure they could find a way to amuse themselves in prison.

October 25, 2008

My taxi partner, Leila, and the K word

Every morning I share a taxi with a woman from work who lives in the building next to mine. Her name is Leila. She wears hegab, doesn’t smoke shisha and doesn’t eat koshary. Incredibly sweet, pure, kind and shy. She is basically the stereotypical perfect Egyptian conservative Muslim girl. 

Last Wednesday, we were coming home from work. And I noticed the taxi driver was clearly staring at me. When I handed him the money, he grabbed my hand in a super obvious and unnecessary way. And I exclaimed, “Eck!” Fatima immediately asked, “What’s wrong?” 

“Oh nothing, just dirty taxi driver grabbed my hand.” She was shocked, “Why???”

So I explained, “Don’t worry. That’s the least of my problems. I’ve had my ass grabbed over a half dozen times in the last two weeks by boys and men in the street.”  Appalled, she asked, “What do you do when it happens?”

I simply said, “Eh, usually I just shout, ‘Kus umak’ and walk away.”

For the non-Arabic speakers, ‘Kus umak’ literally means “your mother’s pussy” but it’s used as kind of “screw you” or maybe even sometimes like “fuck you,” depending on tone. It’s quite commonly said.

Well, to my utter surprise, Fatima replies, “Kus… (that’s “pussy” in Arabic) I’ve heard it before and I know it’s bad, but I don’t know what it means.”

I immediately commented, “Well, let’s just get one thing straight first, there is nothing wrong with ‘kus’” :)

Then, I told her what the K word meant. I never thought I would tell a native Arabic speaker how to say vagina in her own native language.